I finished listening to the book “The Seven Decisions” by Andy Andrews. I don’t agree with all points made but there are some to live by. Decision number one is the responsible decision. The buck stops with me. I accept responsibility for my past. Challenges are gifts and opportunities to learn.
I still have difficulty negotiating with my past. There are squandered opportunities and relationships. I wish I had traveled more. Or having taken more chances. I feel being quadriplegic ends chances to rectify them.
My life is in limbo. I have resided at this neuro rehabilitation facility for three years. I grieve for my past. I liked my job and was good at it. I miss living in my condo. I miss the freedom of being independent.
I don’t dwell so much on the past but I have not resolved all the grief still being carried. I accept responsibility for poor choices made. My last marriage turned into a shit show though I never saw that coming.
I’ve dealt with many challenges throughout my life. Being quadriplegic is the ultimate challenge. I don’t look at it as a gift. It felt like a punishment or a curse at first. And now? It’s a shitty situation to be dealt with. My options are to accept and deal with it or live in denial and misery. I choose to accept reality and carve a new life.
I don’t complain “why me?” But why doesn’t this baclofen pump work at all for me? I may never get the answer to this.
Maybe I can impart some wisdom and help others. I’ve learned a lot about myself since the injury. I am more resilient and patient these last four years. Emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness skills are excellent coping strategies.
So I keep moving forward with a few stumbles along the way. But I have great supports help pick me up along the way.
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