Howard Falkinburg

A blog about my rehabilitation and recovery from a spinal cord injury that left me paralyzed with quadriplegia.


The Responsible Decision

I finished listening to the book “The Seven Decisions” by Andy Andrews. I don’t agree with all points made but there are some to live by. Decision number one is the responsible decision. The buck stops with me. I accept responsibility for my past. Challenges are gifts and opportunities to learn. 

I still have difficulty negotiating with my past. There are squandered opportunities and relationships. I wish I had traveled more. Or having taken more chances. I feel being quadriplegic ends chances to rectify them.

My life is in limbo. I have resided at this neuro rehabilitation facility for three years. I grieve for my past. I liked my job and was good at it. I miss living in my condo. I miss the freedom of being independent.

I don’t dwell so much on the past but I have not resolved all the grief still being carried. I accept responsibility for poor choices made. My last marriage turned into a shit show though I never saw that coming.

I’ve dealt with many challenges throughout my life. Being quadriplegic is the ultimate challenge. I don’t look at it as a gift. It felt like a punishment or a curse at first. And now? It’s a shitty situation to be dealt with. My options are to accept and deal with it or live in denial and misery. I choose to accept reality and carve a new life.

I don’t complain “why me?” But why doesn’t this baclofen pump work at all for me? I may never get the answer to this. 

Maybe I can impart some wisdom and help others. I’ve learned a lot about myself since the injury. I am more resilient and patient these last four years. Emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness skills are excellent coping strategies. 

So I keep moving forward with a few stumbles along the way. But I have great supports help pick me up along the way.



3 responses to “The Responsible Decision”

  1. Your journey is inspiring. Nine days ago I realized that cannabis was not helping my depression/anxiety but was actually an addiction that had taken over my life. You would think as a therapist I would know better. It is no comparison to your life changing event and ongoing struggles. But I relate to the regret and the questions about past relationships etc. I am in the 12 step process for the first time in my life.. One day at a time seems to be the only way through much if what life throws our way. Sounds like you are there minute by minute finding meaning and perseverance. I appreciate your authentic messages. Peace

    1. Courageous move on your part. As therapists’, we tend to judge ourselves quickly. Early in my recovery, it felt that I should he better at managing my thoughts and feelings. Ending up in a psych hospital was sobering. I’m trying to develop self compassion frequently fall short of that. Thanks for sharing your story.

  2. I savored every word you have written here. I am grateful for you sharing this with us.

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About Me

Hello and welcome to my blog. I am LMSW and spinal cord injury survivor. . Another.

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