Howard Falkinburg

I was surfing the web recently when I came across a series of articles regarding happiness. I’d like to connect this to my search of finding happiness and purpose after surviving trauma.

After my accident in 2018, it felt like my life was just ripped away and essentially over. I lost my marriage, house, independence, sense of purpose, and status. One minute I am therapist. The next minute I am a patient.

This spiraled into past regrets and longing for the past. My depression became significantly worse to the point of feeling suicidal. This eventually led to a five day trip to a psychiatric hospital. 

It’s been a long climb out of this hole. A little prayer and a lot of introspection it took to climb the ladder one rung at a time.

I had to let go of attachments then move toward purpose. We suffer when we can’t let go of our attachments. Attachment is defined as an emotional connection to people, objects, places, and sense of self. 

Now let’s dig deeper.

Buddhism defines attachment as clinging to the sense of people, things or ideas in the mistaken belief that they will bring us happiness and fulfillment. By practicing non-attachment, we learn to let go of our attachment to outcomes, expectations, and desires.

Sounds simple, right?

Not by a longshot. 

A lot of my attachments were toward my life before the accident. I felt that I could not be happy after suffering the accident.

My injury has allowed me an opportunity to start addressing long suppressed issues. Prior to the accident, I let everyday life distract me.

I began referring two skills I have learned as a therapist and therapy client. The primary skill is mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and cultivating nonjudgmental awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.

My first step in practicing mindfulness was through acknowledging my suffering without judgment. I held anger toward myself and my situation. I acknowledged my feelings and situation as neither good nor bad. It just was.

I started a daily practice of meditation and body scanning. When my body tensed up due to spasms, I focused on that particular area with curiosity rather than anguish.

Addressing catastrophic thoughts and distressing emotions were next on the hit list. I tried acknowledging these thoughts and emotions with a non-judge mental stance. There were times I was more successful than not.

There is still depression and anxiety within me. I struggle with attachments. But I am more present now than in the past. And there is a more sense of purpose in my life while looking towards the future.