Do you remember the teeter totter on the playground? It was fun playing on when I was a child. It’s not so fun when it’s going on between my ears. I struggle with extreme thoughts. One moment, I feel hopefulness but then the opposite end of the teeter totter swings upward and hopelessness takes over. Those dastardly thoughts creep in.
“It’s too late to make up for the past.“
“It’s better to give up than to keep failing.”
“My best days are behind me.”
I start sinking into a dark abyss of despair during those moments. These can last a few hours if I let it.
“So Howard, how do you start sliding down that slippery slope?”
I’m glad you asked, dear reader.
The first thing is recognizing this is the depression talking. My depression has a fixed mindset stating that my situation and qualities will never change. It feels like a wet blanket draped over me.
Next, is identifying my patterns of stinkin’ thinkin’. I sometimes catastrophize or fall into the ‘all or nothing’ mindset.
Last is changing my self-talk. I don’t just shower myself with positive statements like “you are the bomb, Howard. Everything will fall in place.” I use more neutral, realistic talk. Here are some examples.
“It’s too late to make up for the past.“
Instead: “I can’t change the past or predict the future. I can only control what happens in the present. I may not control the situation but can control how to respond to it.”
“It’s better to give up than to keep failing.”
Instead: “I will definitely keep failing if I do give up. There are lessons to be learned here. Maybe I need to step back and take a break then approach this again with a fresh mindset.”
“My best days are behind me.”
Instead: “You don’t know this for certain. Even if they are, this type of thinking is not helpful and your best days will definitely be behind me. I can still carve a good life in the time I have left.”
This doesn’t work all the time. There are times when I’m not feeling much self compassion. I just fixate on the negative and douse myself in misery until it eventually passes. Misery or happiness is a choice. It can go back-and-forth like a teeter toddler.
I’m interested in other’s input regarding your struggles with stinkin’ thinkin’ and how you deal with it. Drop me a line in what you think or experience. You can either leave a comment or email me.
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