I have a friend who also is the quadriplegic and was sort of my mentor in the early stages of my injury. He used an analogy of being “Born again” at the time of an injury. Life with the CSI totally upends your life. You have to relearn every aspect of your life, including swallowing and going to the bathroom.
First step toward my recovery was setting my ego aside. It’s a fine line between being stubborn versus being persistent. I had to practice radical acceptance over and over thousands of times. I had to learn to let go of what I wanted to what I needed. One example was having to wear depends for the first couple of years due to incontinence and accidents with my bowels. The biggest adjustment was wanting my old life back. Mentally and emotionally I could not let it go for several months. Depression and suicidal thoughts engulfed me.
Managing grief is still a challenge. I will delve more into grief on a separate post.
I get caught in some cognitive distortions (also called stinkin’ thinkin’). Cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause people to perceive reality inaccurately. These thoughts reinforce a negative outlook of life that creates depression and anxiety. Some of my traps are all or nothing thinking (my life is over because I’m paralyzed) or labeling (I’m handicapped).
I’m better at recognizing when I fall in these cognitive traps. Practicing mindfulness helps such as observing thoughts without getting attached to them.
My self-esteem, self identity, and confidence was shattered when I became paralyzed. I’ve had to rebuild my confidence brick by brick. There have been numerous setbacks along the way and I will have more in the future. I’m in a better mental state to deal with those setbacks.
Other techniques used to rebuild my confidence are radical acceptance, gratefulness, and building on small successes. I still have a long way to go but I’m on the path and moving forward.
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